Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
