I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
