life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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