So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
You have to summon your inner elephant
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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