I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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