I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
