but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Randomize