We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
