I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
