I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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