was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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