Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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