THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
