FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
