I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
