You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
