I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I deserve this hangover.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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