dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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