Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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