Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
