Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
