He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize