Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
