nut hugger
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
