I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I bet he comes in French.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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