if you like me you must not know who I am
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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