I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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