Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
