Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
