Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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