i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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