The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Randomize
