it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
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