So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
