Betty ford says i'm here all night
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize