he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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