i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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