She's JV to your varsity
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Randomize
