Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
