Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize
