I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
it's like iHOP with fire
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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