She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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