My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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