Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
