woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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