do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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