sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
