SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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