Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
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