Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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