Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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