If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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