guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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