ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
True but thats because hes a fetus.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
