She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
This house was built for laser tag.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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