a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
We have started to decorate penises.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Randomize
