Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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