So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
