i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I intend to get homeless drunk
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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