That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
