why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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