I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
