Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize