my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
