New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I AM VODKA MAN
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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